travel log days 4-6 - gamescom
i was pretty resolved not to write much in this log about the general experience of gamescom - partially because i probably shouldn't post about work meetings on the internet, and partially because it feels counter to the points expressed in my first log to do so.
with that in mind, the last few days have had less to write about.
on wednesday we went to the function.
it was pretty cool! we met up with a 3D artist we briefly encountered last year, among others. it was cool to talk to them again. we tried to play some of the games being exhibited, but i... learned very quickly that i didn't have the strength of soul for large crowds at the time.
but between you and me1, it wasn't really the lights or the overwhelming mess of noise that got me. i didn't belong there. i have been to one games convention as a consumer ever; PAX aus, in melbourne, just a couple of weeks before i started working in my coworking space. i had a good time! i saw cool things, i played some games, my now-housemate bought a ttrpg from my now-officemate before either of those things were true. but since getting into game development and attending larger and larger exhibitions as part of that, either for exhibiting or networking... i can't get into it from the fan side any more.
though, maybe the problem runs deeper, and the timing is just a coincidence. i used to be so excited for new games - when i was younger, i remember dragging my parents to our local EB games at midnight for the release of, i think, pokemon xy. i can't remember the last game i was so bright and excited over a game coming out. events like gamescom are built on the hype of game fans, and i just don't... seem to have that much of it any more. this is not my place.
my companions eventually scooped me up from the floor of my dark corner, and we went out for dinner and beer and sitting around playing card games. i stole a photo of my own wife to give to a friend who asked for it. we got ice cream afterwards, and talked about how the cathedral is too big to really comprehend so it just ends up looking flat.
by the time we got home i was too tired to think straight. i figured another day being late would be okay.
on thursday i went for a walk and finally managed to call my partner back home! i hadn't realised just how healing hearing their voice and seeing their cute little smiles could be.
and then we went to the function.
there was a meetup for godot users that i was really quite excited for, until we turned out to have a meeting booked half an hour after it started. i was hoping to find at least someone i got on well with to try to talk to going forward, but with struggling to find the location and needing to leave early, that didn't work so well, and i was bitterly disappointed for most of the day about it.
after gamescom we went to(broke in to?) the New Zealand Function. somewhere in my heart i was still sour about not really getting anything out of the earlier meetup, and thus resolved to do Vaguely Better this time.
among the people i met;
- vee, who i knew by sight from several events but had never actually spoken to before
- tori, a microbiologist, here in germany with her partner
- megan, an ex-new zealander who moved to germany to work at a really big studio
- an unnamed lesbian (unnamed because i forgot to take note of her name before she left), who was canadian, and reminded me of a friend's story about meeting a canadian lesbian
all very lovely people, and all of whom (except maybe vee) i guess i will possibly never talk to again; which feels like a shame, but maybe that's okay? maybe part of learning how to Engage with People Better is getting more used to the fact that most such engagements are one-off. but then, maybe part of it is also getting better at sending people linkedin requests before i forget too much of their names to do so.
my partner and i headed home after that, stopping for late night kebab served by a guy who definitely hated tourists. as is his right, of course. by the time i got home i was struggling to keep my eyes open. i figured i could maybe make a thing of posting for all of gamescom as one post.
on friday we returned once more to the function.
by about midday we were done with formal business, and with existence in general, really. we made one last delve into the dungeon (consumer area of gamescom) and returned with precious treasure (delicious gamescom merch), and then we..... left.
it felt so anticlimactic. we'd flown half way around the world for this. there should have been a battle, or a test. we shouldn't have been able to just walk out and not return.
the sign on the wall over the exit said "see you next year". i remembered seeing the same sign last year, and hoping it might be true but not believing that it possibly could be. i wondered for a moment if it will turn out true again; i honestly have no idea. i hope so.
there was some ceremony, at least; we went out for dinner with the rest of the australian contingent. we talked to some of the uni students who had been running our stand for three days - we messed about with an idea for a card game - we met the developers of a game that i hadn't even realised was australian-made. i got a little bit better at talking to people, and then i got sharply reminded that i am not yet good enough. it was a good time, though.
by the time we got home, i wasn't able to focus on anything for more than a sentence or so. i wasn't really surprised at this point. i hoped the next couple of days would give me a bit more time to think.
i finished writing this post two nights later.
you, the six or so people who may read this; me, the one (im pretty sure) person who may write this↩