s03e00 - pilot
email, remember the disambiguation. password. "Remember Me", though it never seems to stick. Sign In >>
several years ago i started writing posts on the internet to try to record and communicate my experiences of life, identity and the world. it lasted a while.
early last year some people who i care about very much got me back into it, and i started writing to try to record and communicate my experiences of life, identity, the world, and most of all my experiences of my friends. it went a lot better - i wrote so much more prolifically than i had before - but in the end, i think it turned into something i didn't want to add to any further. i got more and more full of pain, and when you use your blog to write love letters to your friends it's hard to toe the line between stabbing that pain into people and getting more and more disingenuous as the parts of you you're hiding grow bigger and bigger. i could no longer bring myself to believe that anyone wanted what little i could bring myself to write, so i stopped doing that too.
for a while i wanted to leave this blog as a memorial of sorts, for a year i truly treasured. for a little while i wondered if it might become a memorial for more than that. but it's a new year now, and it turns out i still can't just leave well enough alone, i guess.
besides, memorials are for the living, and that includes this bitch. so it's time to move on.
i don't know what i am going to write about here any more. i have some vague tech projects i'm working on that i would like to document a little, so maybe some of that. i don't think i will escape writing about myself sometimes - all works are personal just as all art is political - but i don't think i will be writing about my friends as much any more. especially not the ones who might still be reading this! i don't think that leads to good things for any of us.
i'm sure something will come out, maybe. or maybe this will be the last post on this blog. wouldn't that suck? weakening the punchline and then not even getting anything out to show for it? or maybe that would be the most appropriate punchline of all.